Bits and pieces...

I've been really unwell with a cold-flu-whatever and keep forgetting to come in here and jot down the latest... This is just a collection of information I want to record, there is no real theme to this post.

Peggy is - I dread to use the word "advanced" - but she really does seem ahead of the game... She's certainly developing physically much more quickly than Otis did. She rolled front to back at 9 weeks, and then back to front right on 4 months. At 4 1/2 months she is SITTING unaided for short bursts of time. She appears to be a very, very determined little person. She'll fight and fight until whatever sparkly, bright, exciting item she has spied is finally in her grasp.

65cm long at 4 1/2 months, 6.8kg. A bizarre head of hair that only a mother could love - brown and wavy on the tips, short and white underneath, not much on the sides of her head (unfortunately giving away the fact that I sleep her on her side in a very non-compliant fashion). Eyes that looks brown indoors and blue in the sunshine. LONG eyelashes. Elegant fingers, odd toes that have the teeniest little toenails.

She is feeding 4 hourly now, around the clock. Last night she only had a few sucks at her second night feed, so I am thinking I may start trying to discourage that one... I'll let her go until 6 months, and then perhaps put a stop to the second night feed altogether.

Having only two sleeps most days now, each of between 40 mins and 2 1/2hours in length.

Eating up a storm... Loves pumpkin, avocado and banana, not so fussed on stewed fruits of Farex though (who can blame her re the latter).

Nicknames: Peggle/Piggle (Phil), Girly, Girly-Whirl, Whirly, Pegarina, Peggabush, Peggabushy, Bushel (Me, Oti... He copies whatever nickname I happen to use).

OK... My Oat-Boy.

He's 14.2kg at 26 months. 91cm or so (hard to get an accurate measurement). Obsessed with tools. Likes to be called Bob (as in builder). A nightmare to get to sleep in the evenings, but once down isn't heard from until morning. Very affectionate, particularly to Peggy... In fact, he appears to have transferred his obsession with me... He's Peggy's number one fan.

Loves to play imaginary games. All sorts of inanimate objects become people in his mind. Blocks, leaves, stones, shampoo bottles. He adores playing with Duplo, his sand and water play table, his tool kit. Loves to draw and use play dough. Loves cooking with Mum. Loves TV!! Play School is still number one. Winnie the Pooh, The Little Mermaid, Peter Rabbit and Finding Nemo are his preferred DVDs. Enjoys singing, especially The Motorbike Song. Loves diggers and motorbikes. Loves riding his trike. Loves his Ernest and Celestine books. Has just started enjoying borrowing books from the library.

Speaking in full sentences now... Although sometimes not easy to interpret if the dreaded dummy is in his mouth. "I love you Mum" is the single most wonderful thing I have ever had the pleasure to hear. It keeps my spirits lifted for days at a time.

Back at work and missing my cartoon-eyed FOUR month old...

Yes, I am back at work. It's not all bad. I actually enjoy getting ready for work and looking like an adult rather than a teen mum (which is apparently what I look like, even though I am 30. People always look at me as if I am inappropriately young to be a mother. Annoying now, but nice when I am 90, I guess).

We have to be so organised! I spend most of the night before preparing. Packing Oti's Occy's bag (lunch, spare clothes, dummies, the dreaded disposables, sheets for his sleep on the big boy bed, water, outfit for the day) Peggy's kit (dummies, bibs, multiple jumpsuits, socks and something warm to appease Mum's need to dress her in many layers, bottle, frozen breastmilk) and laying out my own clothes, plus preparing my own lunch and packing my cooler bag with breastmilk bags and the blessed pump)... I have 30 minutes in the morning to ready myself for the day, all the while praying that Peggy stays asleep until we are ready to leave.

Once on the train, I quickly apply my make-up and then READ. WITHOUT. INTERRUPTION!!!

Highlight of my day.

I then pump as soon as I get into work. Our lovely receptionist Caroline made me a spiffy sign to put on the meeting room door to keep all the men out! A colleague suggested it read "Milking in Progress", but we decided to be slightly more abstract.

I pump at 8, 12 and 4. I can take my laptop in with me and work during the process.

Home at 5, home to the little girl I miss more than I expected I would! Phil and I are just so obsessed with her eyes, they are so dark and deep and almost cartoonish in shape. I really love them and go all gooey inside when they are fixed on me.

Otis continues to LOVE her:

"Peggy. Coot."

"Peggy. Boo-a-ful."

"Peggy. Love her."

Anger management...

My husband just asked me very nicely to stop yelling at our children...

I don't think I yell at Otis all that often, no more than is useful and understandable, at least. But, yes, I scream at Peggy at least once a day, and I am fully aware of how ridiculous and cruel that is. As if my yelling will make her sleep! It will no more settle her than would a bulldozer crashing through her bedroom wall. It's completely irrational and ineffective. It's pure emotion.

I know I shouldn't, but I do it anyway.

Tips, anyone? How do I get this under control?

My baby does not deserve it, but the tiredness builds and builds until all I want is for her to sleep so that I can be free of her for a short time. A little bit of time away and I can be the happy, shiny Mum she loves and by whom she should ideally be attended.

The last 24 hours have been really hard.

Our days...

Currently go something like this:

7am - Otis and Peggy wake up around now. We get up, have brekky, and put on some washing. On alternate days they each have a shower with me. Peggy HATES it when she's left out, even though Oti and I sing songs to her the whole time we are in there and have her sitting in the bouncer facing us.
7:30/8am - Breastfeed Peggy.
9:00am - Go for a walk, either to the park, or the shops, or storytime... Peggy sleeps unyil around 10.
10:30/11 - Home by now, BF Peggy.
Midday - Both in bed. Otis sleeps for 2 hours, Peggy anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours... I usually sit in on the bed and wait for her first wake up so that I can quickly re-settle her before she fully wakes. Sometimes this just doesn't work, and I usually respond by swearing and getting cranky, while P just laughs.
2pm - BF Peggy, lunch for Otis.
2:30/3pm - Might go out again, or play on the balcony, or read, or draw.
4pm - Peggy has another sleep, 45 minutes. Otis and I play.
5pm - BF Peggy, start getting dinner happening. Phil is usually home around now and I am sighing with relief after another exhausting but usually fun-filled day.
7:30pm - BF Peggy (top-up feed, she often falls asleep on the boob) and put her to bed.
8pm - Otis in bed.

During the night, Peggy feeds 3-5 hourly, usually around 12 and 4, and stays in with me after the 4am feed.

Bliss is...

Standing in the shady end of Mum and Dad's pool on a stinking hot, sweaty Sydney summer's day, breastfeeding my baby, while she kicks her legs and enjoys the feel of the cold and the wet on her skin. The water bears much of her weight, she is light as a bubble.

I'll never understand the anti-breastfeeding brigade!

My girl...

I call her "girly", but with me as her mother, she's anything but, really. Not that an infant can really exhibit gendered characteristics, but as far as her clothing goes... I get lots of disapproving and/or quizzical looks when I dress her in blue or grey, which I do, often. Where is it written that girls must wear pink and purple and nothing else? How will they ever learn their colours with such a limited colour palette? I favour red when picking Peggy's clothes...

Speaking of red, I dressed her in a gorgeous, very traditional red tartan dress when we went to a baby shower on the weekend. It was a gift from my friend Elise. Really pretty, without being pink. Anyway, I lifted her out of her capsule, all puffed up with pride, only to discover that she had done a huge mustardy poo all over the dress ad the matching bloomers. Within minutes she was back in her usual t-shirt and leggings. Just as beautiful in my eyes. My attempts to feminise her were thwarted! Is the universe telling me something?

She's such an "easy" baby now. Never, ever imagined I would be in a position to type those words in relation to a baby of my own. But there's no denying it. Goes to sleep "easily", smiles and coos, happily spends up to 10 minutes alone on her mat or in her bouncer, and doesn't wail the way she once did.

:):) :)

Peggy's independent approach to sleep does, however, enable Otis to continue to need lots of coddling and attention... He pinches the skin on my elbow. If my arm is not comfortably accessible to him, he manouevres it until it is.

A family of four...

I've always wanted four children, but right now, I feel oddly, unexpectedly complete with my two beauties. I am sure this will change at some point, and I do feel that my kids would benefit from having more than one sibling each, but for now, I do feel oh so satisfied with my lot. Don't have a lot of money, don't own a house, but have something that money cannot buy. Really happy.

So! Lots has been happening. Otis continues to delight all who know him with his funny antics and ever-expanding vocabulary. He has taken to adding an "ing" to words in quite a clever, if innacurate, way. When we walk up the stairs, he says "upping". When he's having fun, he says "funning". When he wants to crunch ice cubes, he says "icing". When he's reading, he's "booking". Love it! What an ingenious use of the English language!

We went camping recently, and it was not the disaster people had told me it would be (nasty pessimists). It was great! The tent held up during some pretty crazy weather, and we survived some extreme temperatures. Our babies slept very well, and we all enjoyed the novelty of tent life and our access to a kid-friendly, complete with fountains, inground pool, and our trips to the beach. Mum and Dad stayed in luxury at the nearby Norah Head lighthouse, and generously allowed us to stay a couple of nights there after our tenting experience. The only issue was Otis falling off his single air mattress and ending up in a shivering heap in the opposite corner of his room in the tent... We ended up switching things around a little, so that Phil and O shared the double air mattress and I had the single, next to Peggy in her little Valco carrycot.

Speaking of Peggy... Wow. She is a dream. A dream and a half, even. I cannot get over how easy and stress-free it is to put her down to sleep. Night or day, anywhere... Music, dummy, wrap and - bam - her eyes are closed. I am enjoying her much more than I did Otis at this stage. But, you know what? You might expect that to translate into me loving her more... But I don't. I can honestly say that I love them absolutely equally. My heart is full to the brim.

I currently have my period... This is the second menstrual cycle since I gave birth... Which means I could potentially have conceived a baby that would be less than a year younger than Peggy... Which is completely inhumane and insane. I think it is a cruel trick of my particular biology that I am fertile again so absurdly quickly, despite fully breastfeeding my baby. Not a drop of formula has passed that girl's lips, but still, I bleed!! Anyone would think God was suggesting that I am cut out for mothering three under three... God is so very wrong. Condoms are my religion, for now.