Tresillian... I caved in and called.

I am not a fan of parenting hotlines. I can't quite explain why - there is just something off to me about calling a stranger on the phone and finding out from them what it is that your child needs. But then, I understand desperation, I certainly do...

My reservations also relate to my feelings about controlled crying. I wouldn't ignore an adult who was crying, let alone my own precious, defenceless baby girl. Not an option in this household.

Anyway, Peggy has been carrying on for hours during the night. We do the Cot vs Co-sleeping dance - in, out, in, out. She knows when I am placing her back into the cot, even when she is fast asleep. The minute I change the configuration of my arms, she starts to arch and moan and the tears flow.

She is self-settling wonderfully during the day - not even the tiniest of whinges. And sleeping well, at least one 2 hour nap and then another one or two shorter naps. In the evening I feed her down and then she wakes about 4 hours later, and won't calm without me offering the boob. And then... Hours, literally hours, of carry on.

So I laid it all out on Tresillian's Messenger Mums service, after being on hold to them on my bloody mobile for 4o minutes! And you know what the nurse told me? That Peggy wants me all to herself and feels as if night time is the only opportunity for that, because Otis takes up so much of my time. Can I get some help with him and spend more one-on-one time with her? Well... No. Not when I already enlist the help of her grandmothers twice a week so that I can work and thus we can eat.

I feel worse than I did before! I should have followed my instincts!

I am feeling resigned to the fact that we will be co-sleeping for much of the night for now. It's not the worst thing in the world, having a warm baby folded up in your arms on a cold night.