It really is a rollercoaster...

I am hiding in my study with the door closed so that I can't hear Otis cry. My days used to be filled with analysing texts and solving theoretical dilemmas, now they're filled with learning to eat one-handed, and trying to teach a baby to self-settle. Lifa as Mama is much tougher, trust me!!!

I have a lot to fill in here — I want to use this blog to diarise these early days, to document his milestones, the highest of highs and the black lows. But it will be a slow process, because I am run off my feet, and should really be spending my "spare" moments doing chores and cactching up on sleep.

Otis is 5 weeks old tomorrow, and I figured it was about time he learned to fall asleep himself, rather than needing to be cuddled to sleep. He sleeps with us at night, but during the day I'd like him in his own, gorgeously-decorated room, in his own painted-by-Dad cot. It remains to be seen whether he'll co-operate. I am ridden with guilt, as "they" say that controlled crying can be harmful to an infant's mental health. But I see no other option.

OK. He's actually asleep! It went something like this:

1:00 Cuddle, wrap, dummy in, music on, kiss goodnight
1:00-1:05 Screaming
1:05 Cuddle, wrap, dummy in, kiss goodnight
1:05-1:15 Screaming
1:15-1:18 Cuddle, wrap, dummy in, kiss goodnight, pat
1:30 Nervously open the door... Not a sound to be heard!

So I still had to pat him to sleep, but it's an improvement, right?

I am kinda wishing I did this from the word go, but the feelings of lethargy, fear and frustration with the feeding issues were too much for me/us, and we did what was "easiest" for all three parties. He just loves to be cuddled, and definitely sleeps sufficiently, but only after being cuddled and cajoled. I have to get tougher!

He has been wonderful the past couple of days. He started smiling, proper, big, wide-open-mouthed smiles, about a week ago. I love them so! All weekend he basically slept, fed, and smiled. It was great, such a reprieve after a few rough, unsettled, unhappy days.

The biggest hurdle for me was definitely his early failure to latch. But that's another post!