Happy...

Emily gave birth to Bonnie Matilda yesterday. I am so unreservedly thrilled for the newly formed family. Just can't WAIT to meet Bonnie, and to meet Mama Emily. For it IS like being reborn. Emily WILL be different, and that's not a bad thing.

I keep thinking about what I want to say to her, what I wish had been said to me... What I keep coming back to is THROW AWAY ALL THE BOOKS. The basic factual stuff is important, but advice and the tactics and the strategies and the should, should, shoulds... I'll never consult any of that again.

I am just so happy right now. The day I decided to do what feels natural and comfortable was the day I finally felt like a good mother. I have given myself permission to make my own choices, and to have confidence in those choices. Otis is such a joy, he makes me smile and laugh and fills me with awe. When I hear him call my name — my new name, Mama, not Rochelle — I feel all warm inside, the way you do after that first glass of wine. I am so in love, and it is a beautiful, magical feeling. To quote one of Oti's favourite books — When I'm Feeling Happy, by Trace Moroney:

When I'm feeling happy, I feel B-B-BOUNCY and full of joy.

When I'm feeling happy my face feels smiley, and everything in the world feels especially wonderful...

Yesterday we took him swimming at Hurstville Aquatic Centre. He amazed me! He goes under and no longer comes up spluttering and shaken — he comes up with a smile! He kicks his little legs and can hold onto the edge all by himself, for minutes at a time. He really is clever.

He drinks from a cup unassisted now, and barely spills a drop.

He's moving more and more... I predict he'll be crawling within a week.