Thoughts on being a "working" mother...

Although my work is entirely unpaid, at present, I am feeling the strain of being pulled in numerous directions, and the guilt that inevitably comes of spending time away from one's babe. I have lots of little deadlines to deal with, as well as, of course, one major deadline — a submission date. I have been working any chance I get these past couple of weeks, and Mum has been a huge help, taking Otis for a few afternoons last week as well as all day Wednesday, as per usual. The upside is that I get time away from him to focus on my writing. The downside is that I feel bad for offloading him, jealous of the time Mum has with him, and lonely as hell without him.

I keep catching myself wishing I had nothing else but mothering with which to occupy my time. But then, would I still be me? Writing and researching and thinking, thinking, thinking is such a part of who I am. And I think having that time away, as busy and stressful and non-relaxing as it is, helps me to be able to focus entirely on Otis when I am not working on my thesis. It adds to my own sometimes skewed sense of self-worth, and connects me to the real world, or, rather, my old world, a world that didn't include dummies, breastfeeding and patting a wriggling child to sleep.