It's OK, Phil and I are still together! But he is away for work, for three weeks (or just shy of, I am on a countdown and there are 17 days left) and I am here in my little unit with my two babies and a Christmas tree. Advent this year is a countdown on a few levels! Phil will be home a week before Christmas and I have no doubt I will cry tears of relief.
I am not alone. My Mum has taken two weeks off work to help me care for my children, and I am so very grateful for that. She has been so wonderful, and of course Otis is thrilled to be spending so much time with her. But the one complication is that he basically fails to even register my existence when he's around Mum... Usually this doesn't bother me too much. I mean, I get it: all he does when he is with her is have fun, fun and more fun! He eats whatever he wants and has her undivided attention, and is witness to her crazy antics and boundless energy. Compared to his time with me, which, while frequently lots of fun (I hope) also entails chores and discipline and my focus being split between the various elements of my life - including, now, his baby sister.
To be honest, it's getting me down. But I need the help. So I have to try to accept it best I can.
Otis is ill (again) and yesterday it got to a scary point, very, very high fever and strange, listless behaviour. I knew he's sleep fitfully and would need a lot of help to stay asleep, so felt that my only option was to send him to Mum. I haven't expressed enough milk yet to palm Peggy off to anyone else.
I am feeling so torn between my two children. Newborns and sick toddlers are both so needy. It's near impossible for one person to meet all of those needs all of the time. So I will keep leaning on my very supprtive Mum and keep feeling split, I suppose. Working on expressing so that Mum can have Peggy at some point and Otis and I can share some one-on-one time.
Peggy is gradually becoming easier in that I am getting to know her and am able to predict her behaviour a little more easily. She's sleeping for two good 3-4 hour stretches per day (one in the morning, one at night) and otherwise has short naps. She feeds really well and has gained 600g in four weeks. She's starting to make happy little facial expressions (not sure whether they are actual smiles though) and has quite a desperate cry when hungry. Her little face is something I could stare at all day long.
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